The bond we form with our pets is unique and personal and so is the grief we feel when they die. All of us experience and cope with loss just a little differently.
We can experience a wide range of emotional and physical states: shock, sorrow, anger, fatigue, guilt, insomnia, loss of appetite, and loneliness. Others may feel simply empty. All of these things are normal. What’s important is that you allow yourself to grieve as much or as little as you need and for as long as you need.
Talk with others. Share your precious memories. Seek support from family, friends, and caring people. Finally, the day will come when thoughts of your beloved friend will only bring you smiles.
The following are resources you may find useful before and after the loss of your
beloved furry friend.
10 Commonly asked questions after the death of a pet
Bereavement support
http://www.pet-loss.net/index.shtml - the Pet Loss Support Page with links to many resources related to pet loss
http://vet.tufts.edu/petloss/ - pet loss Hotline
https://www.vet.cornell.edu/about-us/outreach/pet-loss-support-hotline - pet loss Hotline
http://www.petlosshelp.org - webpage dedicated to helping people through the loss of their pet
http://sappypetlosssupportgroup.blogspot.com/ - pet loss and grief support group of San Antonio
Books and articles
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/what-say-when-pet-dies - how to explain the death of a pet to a child
Additional reading
Making Health Care and/or End-of-Life Decisions for Your Companion Animal
"A Final Act of Caring" - Herb & Mary Montgomery, Montgomery Press, 1999.
"A Snowflake in My Hand" - Samantha Mooney, Delta, 1989.
"Kindred Spirit, Kindred Care: Making Health Decisions on Behalf of our Animal Companions" - Shannon Fujimoto Nakaya, DVM, New World Library, 2005.
"Pets Living with Cancer" - Robin Downing, DVM, American Animal Hospital Association, 2000.
"Preparing for the Loss of Your Pet: Saying Goodbye with Love, Dignity and a Peace of Mind" - Myrna Milani, Prima Lifestyles Publishing, 1998.
"Surviving the Heartbreak of Choosing Death for Your Pet: Your Personal Guide for Dealing with Pet Euthanasia" - Linda Mary Peterson, Greentree Publishing, 1997.
"The Final Farewell: Preparing for and Mourning the Loss of your Pet" - Marty Tousley & Katherine Heurman, Pals Publishing, 1997.
"Without Regret: A Handbook for Owners of Canine Amputees" - Susan Neal, Doral Publishing, 2002.
Books/Audio Recording for Adults Coping with the Loss of a Companion Animal
"A 30-day Guide to Healing from the Loss of Your Pet" - Gael J. Ross, LCSW, Broken Heart Press, 2010.
"Bill at Rainbow Bridge" - Dan Carrison, Modern Family Classics Publishing, 2010.
"Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates" - Gary Kurz, Citadel, 2008.
"Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet" - Moira Anderson Allen, Dog Ear Publishing, LLC, 2007.
"Coping with the Loss of a Pet" - Christina Lemieux, W.R. Clark, 1992.
"Crossing the Rubicon: Celebrating the Human-Animal Bond in Life and Death" - Julie Kaufman, Xenophone Publications, 1999.
"Forever in My Heart: Remembering my Pet’s Life" - Herb & Mary Montgomery, Montgomery Press, 2000.
"Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die" - Jon Katz, Villard/Random House Publishing, 2011.
"Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet" - Gary Kowalski, New World Library, 2006.
"Goodbye My Friend" - Herb & Mary Montgomery, Montgomery Press, 2001.
"Grieving the Death of a Pet" - Betty Carmack, Augbburg Fortress Publishers, 2003.
"It’s Okay to Cry: Warm Compassionate Stories that Help You Find Hope and Healing after the Death of a Beloved Pet" - Maria Luz Quintana, Shari Veleba, & Harley King, K & K Communications, 2000.
"Journey Through Pet Loss" - Deborah Antinori, Yoko Spirit Publications, 1998, Audio Recording.
"Legacies of Love: A Gentle Guide to Healing from the Loss of your Animal Loved One" - Theresa Wagner, Matters of the Heart, 1998, Audiobook.
"My Personal Pet Remembrance Journal" - Enid Samuel Traisman, Dove Lewis Emergency Animal Hospital, 1997.
"Pet Loss and Human Emotion: A Guide to Recovery" - Cheri Barton Ross and Jane Baron-Sorenson, 2nd Ed., Routledge, 2007.
"Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and Children" - Herbert Nieburg, Harper and Row, 1983.
"The Loss of a Pet: A Guide to Coping with the Grieving Process When a Pet Dies" - Wallace Sife, 3rd Ed. Howell Book House NY, 2005.
"Three Cats, Two Dogs: One Journey Through Multiple Pet Loss" - David Congalton, NewSage Press, 2000.
"When Only the Love Remains: The Pain of Pet Loss" (Hardcover) - Emily Margaret Stuparyk, Hushion House, 2000.
"When Your Pet Dies: How to Cope with Your Feelings" - Jamie Quackenbush & Denise Graveline, Pocket Press, 1985.
Books for Adults to help Children Cope with and/or Understand the Loss of a Companion Animal
"A Gift From Rex: Guiding Children Through Life and Loss" - Jim Kramer, DVM, CVPM, Beaver’s Pond Press, 2001.
"Because of Flowers and Dancers" - Sandra Brackenridge, Veterinary Practice Publishing, 1994.
"Children Also Grieve : Talking About Death And Healing" - Linda Goldman, Jessica Kingsley Pub, 2005.
"Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping" - Marty Tousley, Our Pals Pub, 1996
"Pet Loss and Children: Establishing a Healthy Foundation" - Cheri Barton Ross, Routledge, 2005.
"Raising Our Children To Be Resilient : A Guide To Helping Children Cope With Trauma in Today's World" - Linda Goldman, Brunner-Routledge 2005.
Books to be Read by or to Children
"A Dog Like Jack" - Dyanne DiSalvo-Ryan, Holiday House, 1999.
"A Special Place for Charlee: A Child's Companion Through Pet Loss" - Debra Morehead, Partners in Publishing LLC, 1996.
"Badger’s Parting Gifts" - Susan Varley, Lothrop, Lee and Shepard, 1984.
"Cat Heaven" - Cynthia Rylant, Scholastic, 1997.
"Dog Heaven" - Cynthia Rylant, Scholastic, 1995.
"For Every Cat an Angel" - Christine Davis, Lighthearted Press, 2000.
"For Every Dog an Angel" - Christine Davis, Lighthearted Press, 2003.
"Goodbye Mousie" - Robie Harris, Simon and Schuster Children's, 2001.
"I’ll Always Love You" - Hans Wilhelm, Dragonfly Books, 1988.
"I Remember: A Book About My Special Pet" - Herb and Mary Montgomery, Montgomery Press, 2000. (Journal/Workbook/Scrapbook)
"Jasper’s Day" - Marjorie Blain Parker, Kids Can Press, 2002.
"My Pet Died" - Rachel Biale, Tricycle Press, 1997. (A journal/scrapbook.)
"Remembering Pets: A Book For Children who have Lost a Special Friend" - Gina Dalpre-Berman, Robert D. Reed Publishers, 2001.
"Remembering My Pet" - Nechama Liss-Levinson & Molly Phinney-Baskette, Skylight Paths Publishing, 2007.(Journal/Workbook/Scrapbook)
"Tear Soup" - Pat Schwiebert & Chuck DeKlyen, Perinatal Loss, 2001.
"The Dead Bird" - Margaret Brown, Harper Collins, 1995.
"The Legend of the Rainbow Bridge" - William N. Britton, Savannah Publishing, 1994.
"The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" - Judith Viorst, Aladdin Books, 1987.
"Tough Boris" - Mem Fox, Harcourt, 1998
"When a Pet Dies" - Fred Rogers, The Putnam and Grosset Group, 1998.
LIVING LOVE
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember...
The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder.
Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking animal in a shelter - simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room - and when you feel it brush against you for the first time - it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.
The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend's diet - and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.
And on this day, if your friend and God have not decided for you, you will be faced with making a decision of your own - on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you, you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night.
If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.
But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul - a bit smaller in size than your own - seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg - very very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay - you will remember those three significant days.
The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart. As time passes the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.
But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when - along with the memory of your pet, and piercing through the heaviness in your heart - there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization takes the form of a Living Love - like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow - and be there for us to remember.
It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a Love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets - it is a Love that we will always possess.